Newborn babies are sensitive creatures, their moms, even more!
Visiting a mother with a newborn baby, no matter how closely attached or emotionally tied to the mother you may be, it requires great levels of sensitivity, planning and respecting certain rules.
It is not a good time to pass by without an invitation, apologize for your child’s coughing or maybe ask for a cup of coffee. If you want to keep your friendship or family relationship – and be invited again – follow the following “rules”.
Oh, also, if you are a new mom and you are worried because your loved ones can sometimes cross the “limits”, send them these rules today!
So, to the rules!
Schedule your visit in advance and don’t push it if the mother isn’t ready to welcome you!
Every new mom is different, but most of them can handle one visitor at a time. Not a whole bunch.
Respect the time that she can accept visitors, whenever that may be, and before that ask her again if she’s ready for the visit. If not, it’s ok, you can go a few days or even weeks later.
Adjust to the mother’s time schedule and be on time.
Maternity can be exhausting.
It comes with sleep deprivation and of course, no leisure time at all.
If you have been given the green light to visit the newborn at a certain time of the day, it is important to keep in mind that this exact time was probably chosen very carefully to suit mother’s and baby’s schedule.
So, be precise!
Not earlier, not later on the appointment!
Do not stay too long!
Some mothers inform visitors in advance that this is going to be just a short visit. Some others don’t.
Even if you are not given a specific time frame, you should plan to keep your visit brief and your presence discreet.
An hour is probably fine for most occasions, unless, of course, the mom asks you to stay longer. If that’s the case, you should also think that maybe she insists on courtesy…
Bring some food with you!
As a new mother, it’s almost impossible to shop, cook or even sometimes… eat!
So bring some food with you – a homemade meal is nice but a bag full of sandwiches would do the job just fine!
Wash your hands and ask before taking the baby in your arms!
No matter how irresistible the baby may be or how recently you may have washed your hands before your visit, just wash them again you arrive.
Also, bear in mind that the baby literally lived in mother’s body a few days ago. So, probably it does not fancy caresses from non familiar faces.
Ask if you can hold the baby.
If the mother seems anxious and feels she wants to take the baby back in her arms, comply right away.
Offer yourself to hold the baby so that the mother can have a short shower or do anything else she might needs.
If you are closely attached to the mother and she feels comfortable leaving you unattended with the baby, hold it for awhile. A quick shower or a nap, while you are watching the baby, can mean so much for a new mom. But if she refuses, do not push her.
If the mother offers you something to drink or eat, just say NO!
You are there to help and show your interest in the mother and the baby, not to eat or drink!
If you are really thirsty, just get up and get some water on your own.
Do not bring your children with you, unless the mother has asked for it in advance.
You will probably enjoy your visit even much more if you do not bring your children with you. You can focus 100% on the mother and the newborn baby.
Even if the mother has asked you to bring your kids together, you can do it only if they are in good health. If your daughter woke up with fever this morning, don’t even think about it.
Also, remember that while you may be completely comfortable with your 6-year-old son, the mother you are visiting may not. Make sure your children know and respect the limits as well!
She doesn’t want more advises!
If the mother asks questions about breastfeeding, sleep scheduling or postpartum recovery, of course, you should answer with your own experiences and tips, but if not, keep those tips for yourself.
Most of the time, the personal experiences of other mothers, especially the older generations, are confusing and contradict the modern facts.
You do not really want to make her worry even more. Let the mother follow the advice of her doctor and